Influence (Five-Minute-Friday)

To celebrate the release of Kate Motaung's latest book, today's challenge word is "Influence." For those who aren't familiar with FMF, Kate gives us a word each Friday and we write something around it, then link up to a common blog post. We write for five minutes only, no editing allowed. My five minutes are bookended with the words Begin and End. Today's link-up is here.

Begin.

Just as in Spencer Johnson's book, Out of the Maze, there are thoughts that hold us back and thoughts that move us forward, in life there are influences that are detrimental and those that are beneficial. The trick is to recognize the difference. How much better off would we be if we recognized who had our best interests at heart and who did not?

We've all experienced both types of influencers, the good and the bad. In hindsight, we can see where we slipped up and let the bad ones in, allowed ourselves to go astray, down paths we never meant (or intended) to journey, and ended up somewhere we never wanted to be. Why can't we see this up front? Why do we let ourselves be drawn in and deceived? Are they such good cons? Are we that stupid?

Andy Stanley offers a very good question when it comes to decision-making: Given my past experiences, my present situation, and my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do? In terms of relationships, we might ask, given my past relationships, my present knowledge, and where I want to go, is this, or this not, a good person to have in my life?

Good friends encourage each other to succeed.

Stop.

That's seven words more than last week's effort; either I'm getting faster on my feet or the topic was easier to write about. The "problem" is, I wasn't done.

I suppose there are any number of reasons we can let a bad influence into our lives. One might be simple loneliness. We don't have many friends, so when someone comes along and shows an interest, we're far too eager to accept without really evaluating whether or not s/he's good for us. We don't even know him or her well enough to be discerning. Sometimes we can even be attracted to a person because s/he seems to get away with bad behaviour. And all of us can probably point to an example of a "good girl" who always falls for the "bad boy." It usually doesn't end well, if ever.

Attractive? Or dangerous?

Then there are people who really are cons, maybe even sociopaths, people who can present themselves one way, to suck you in, and before long you find yourself manipulated like a puppet on a string. You get confused because they can be so nice one day, so awful the next, and you ask, "Which version is the real one? Will the real [insert name], please stand up?" You want to believe the nice portrayal is the true one, but quite often it's not. It can take a while to get untangled from that type of situation because you're a good person and have trouble realizing that not everyone's like you.

I've had good influences in my life and I've had bad ones. And I can testify that the good ones are far better and yield greater rewards: trust, intimacy, encouragement, support, love. You never (or rarely) end up worse off than when they first came alongside.

If I can encourage you to ask one question as you consider a  friendship/influence, it would be the one I posed above and reiterate now: Given my past relationships, my present knowledge, and where I want to go, is this a good person to have in my life? If you don't know the answer right off, take things slowly and get to know the person better before sharing too deeply. You don't have to decide right away. But once you're in a position to determine the nature of his/her influence, don't be afraid to let go of the bad, even if they've been life for a long time. Just walk away. Run if you have to. Don't be afraid to get help.