Relationships

So far we’ve covered "words for the year" organization and finishing; today I turn my attention to relationships.

Though some may not agree (the workaholics, for example), relationships are the most important thing in life. Life is about people, connection, interaction, communication, intimacy. We need each other. No man is an island, to quote John Donne.

We often don’t give our relationships the attention that they’re due. We take people for granted until they’re not there anymore. Then we regret the time we didn’t spend with them, our busyness, our choices, our neglect. You’ve no doubt heard it said that when a person is on her deathbed, she doesn’t think about things like work, travel, missing out on collecting more stuff; she thinks about the people she loves and wishes she’d been more present, more engaged, more sure they knew how much she loved them.

So this year I want to spend more time with the people who matter most to me: my husband, my children, my mom and close friends.

My husband and I have never had a date night. We tried, but perhaps gave up too easily. Now that the children are grown and well on their way to independence, we still don’t have a date night. Last year we celebrated our 25^th wedding anniversary in Hawaii on Big Island and Maui, and we saw how delightful focused time together could be. While we can’t live footloose and carefree on a regular basis – we both have jobs, after all – surely we can recapture some aloha by carving out time for each other, even if it has to be scheduled. And this time needn’t require money. A walk in the woods, an at-home movie night, a self-made candlelit dinner, all of these can be an investment in our marriage. We’re blessed that we fit so well together, have the same beliefs and values, support each other’s goals and dreams, but there is always room for our bond to grow stronger.

My daughter lives away from home now, but is still in the area. Thankfully, family is still important to her - we were always a close knit foursome - and she wants to maintain our connection. At 23, she continues to seek our help at times, not so much our guidance. Often, she initiates coffee dates and it is always good to see her. This year my goal is to do more of the initiating. I want her to know that I’m interested in her, and that my love for her is steady and true.

My 21-year-old son lives at home and works part-time while teaching himself music composition, theory, etc. We have good conversations about life and day-to-day things. I know it’s important to him to be heard, to make eye contact. This year my goal is to ensure he gets my full attention when he’s talking, to not multi-task (see yesterday’s post). His childhood is already over, the years pass quickly; at some point he’ll be living somewhere else and this opportunity will be gone. I want him to remember a mother who was attentive, not distracted, a mother he’ll want to visit and feel connected to.

I’ll turn my attention to my mom and friends in another post. This is it for today’s 500 words :)